HA! Not really, but sort of.
Life and work have been busy the past couple of weeks. Tomorrow makes 2 months since I met TDP. Since then, we've met each other's friends, I met his parents and he met my son. Things are going right along...
I like his company so much. We continue to have many things to talk about, laugh about, discuss. We're never bored. I am surprised that the depth and silliness continues. We seem to be well suited to each other.
Last night, I invited him over to have dinner and watch American Ninja Warrior with my me and my son. Before the show, my son showed TDP all his transformers and they had a few minutes to talk about be alone while I finished dinner. I want to see if my boy and TDP get along without me. TDP is on his own here. Seems like everything went really well and my boy seems to really like him and told me "He's really cool." - Which in seven year old speak, is pretty good.
It feels pretty dangerous to integrate TDP too much at this point. Last night, I felt like a family which is both difficult and satisfying. Difficult because he isn't supposed to be the man of the house and satisfying because at the end of the day, maybe I really am like most other women wanting a home and a family.
And today, I just feel unsettled. Which I'm not sure why. On the outside, things are good. My house is (relatively) clean. My child is healthy and happy. My mom/sis/nephew are good and I've seen them recently. I am at work doing my job (mostly). I am here and showing up and feeling like myself. And I have a nice, helpful, thoughtful, intelligent, funny and good looking boyfriend who is successful and caring. Who likes me and my son. Who can take care of himself.
Maybe I need to just slow down and take more time. The past two months have turned my heart upside down, to be quite honest. I went from just looking for a FWB to finding someone who I am honestly falling for. I feel like I jumped into a raging river, swelling with spring runoff. I am just letting the currents take me, but I feel a bit of fight in me today. Do I really want to give myself up for this? Do I want the burden and the joy of loving another? Is my heart willing to actually open up my family and allow another? I'm just not there yet. Not now. Maybe not ever.
I need some time! This is hard! I need myself! I need some space! The speed of this current is scaring me.
