Guys with Records

No, I'm not talking about hotties with old school turn tables and a box of LP's. I'm talking about dudes with criminal records.

I spent about a week talking with a nice guy - let's call him Bryce. He was divorced and had apparently fallen on hard times. He was living at home with his mother. He is 35. He had no job, no car, no prospects. He told me it was embarrassing to admit that he'd lost it all. I asked about his kids and he said that he never sees them and doesn't even know how to contact them.

Right.

Every single thing that he told me should have told me that he was not someone to continue talking to. I should have shut the door. But, no, being nice, we kept talking. I thought for a bit about what in the world would have caused him to lose everything. I asked him if he'd ever been arrested. Yes. If he'd ever been to jail. Yes. Then, I asked the all important, "What'd you do?" and he jokingly said "I killed a bunch of people; ya happy!?"

No, I wasn't happy. Have a nice life, Bryce!

In the future - stop talking to someone with no job, no car, no house, no future, no prospects, no ambition. And if he has a record, RUN, unless it's of a really cool band.

The Problem With FWB

FWB.

Friends with Benefits. Fuck Buddies. A Hook Up.

This person in your life goes beyond a one night stand. They're a reoccuring person you can turn to when you need some making out or sex without all the strings attached to an actual romantic relationship. I'm sure that many people have had a person like this in their life at one time.

I've got one now. Strangely, we aren't really even friends yet having met in the online mecca of dating websites. We talked about a week, I went to his house, we did the deed, talked a while, and I went home. It was the best sex I've ever had, to be honest. And the fact that I got to go home to my own bed, sleep all night and wake up refreshed was wonderful. All the glow of sex without any of the head ache of the morning after weirdness.

But then the problem comes in. Do you text? Call? Email? Say nothing? Lucky for me, my guy contacted me the next day straight away. Good to rehash that we both had an excellent time and when could we maybe get together again. And the next day came and we were both busy and then the next day with nothing. And I began to wonder...is he really into me?

And then all the stupid "girl" questions started running through my head. Did he like it? Did he like ME? Was I sexy enough? Is he going to make an effort to see me again? Should I text him? Why doesn't he text me? Is this going somewhere?

And shit, if I didn't place my FWB guy into the same relationship peg as every other guy. And I mentally had to decide that no, I don't want that. I truly don't want a traditional relationship with this guy. It would never work. We both know that, but find the other interested and attractive so.... We're both consenting adults.

So, what's the problem?

Is it because I'm a Scorpio and prone to possessiveness and jealous rages? Is it because I've been cheated on and don't want to feel betrayed again by anybody? Is it because casual sex doesn't really exist? Or maybe I was just out of practice. I hadn't had a FWB in 15 years, and looking back at that guy, I didn't do so well staying casual with him either. Maybe I am truly not capable of being casual about things. Am I just too intense?

So, this blog posts resolves nothing. I have had these questions and thoughts running through my head all day today. Maybe I really do need to just turn down my cell, read my book and get a good night's sleep. After all, I'm not in a relationship with this guy and I have my whole entire life to live.

I realized today that I was much happier before I started trying to make myself happy and fulfill some desires I have.

PS: This article clears it up...Friend With Benefits or Something Else?

Hot Guy...Disgusting House

You meet a nice guy...well, he seems nice over email and text. Remember, we are in a virtual world right now. You even drive an hour to meet him. He has nice pictures. He's 50 and looks a little rock and roll with some gorgeous black hair, green eyes and tall. Did I mention the tattoos? Delicious.

You go into his house and disappointment abounds. It was like walking into a slum. He has cats and has never been married and you realize that those two facts matter. Let's not even try to describe the bathroom. I don't even want to remember I was in that room of this house.

Now, I get clutter; I get messy. What I don't get is unsanitary. Oh Lord. It was horrendous.

So, here is my list of how to determine if a man is messy or tidy before you meet him in person.

Let's start out on an even playing field. Let's start with 25 on a scale of 1 - 50 with 1 being pretty mess and 50 being pretty tidy.

If he has one cat, subtract 5 points.

He has a lot of cats...more than this.

If he has more than one cat, subtract 15 points.
If he has never been married, subtract 15 points.
If he is artistic, musical or brooding, subtract 10 points.
If he doesn't have kids, subtract 5 points.
If he's a night owl, subtract 3 points.

If he runs marathons, add 5 points.
If he is in the military, add 15 points.
If he has kids, add 5 points.
If he gets up early, add 3 points.
If he likes to cook, add 5 points.

So, you can see that some determination can be made before entering the home as to if this is a "safe" zone or not.

Messy or not: that delicious 50 year old man was the best thing that I've ever had before.

Top 10 Things I Wish They Knew

Today, I feel like most men are douche bags.

The men I have been "meeting" online lately are mostly asking for nude or dirty pictures or asking me insane questions like "So, how many guys here have seen your tits." It is ridiculous. But, I feel like the dating site I am on is a train wreck, yet I cannot pry my eyes away.

Here is what I wish the men on the dating site knew about me:

1. I have a brain, and I use it. I am smart. Probably smarter than you.

2. If you ask me straight up for a dirty pic, our conversation is over, and you're getting blocked.

3. Yes, sometimes, I am OK to talk about sex, but only after we've chatted about some more neutral subjects. Please keep it clean and respectful.

4. If you have a picture of yourself shirtless on your profile, I will laugh at you, maybe admire your muscles and tattoos and PASS YOU BY. Keep your shirts on, you vain dorks!

5. Just because I say I don't want anything serious does NOT mean that I'm down to just fuck any guy who offers. Because I am not a whore. Read that again: I am not a whore. If you want a female to do things with you and/or to you, best to just hire one. Why, you ask? See #1 of this list.

6. If you are unemployed, living in your parent's house or are an ex-con, this probably won't work out.

7. I do have feelings. Don't act like a dick.

8. If you have any type of grammatical or spelling errors in your profile, I will pass you by. Boom. No exceptions. Get a tutor.

9. If you have a picture of yourself throwing up deuces or a picture of your car/motorcycle/boat/etc on your profile, I will also ignore you and think bad thoughts.

10. If you have the balls to write me a message, I will respond. I will consider you. Promise.